Some Of The Best Things Anybody Ever Said
- One does not discover new lands without consenting to lose sight of the shore for a very long time.
- The secret of the profund secrecy of this secret
- Never bite when a simple growl will do
- The correct use of the apostrophe, as much as language itself, separates man from beast.
- Too much sanity may be madness!
Don Quixote, in Man from LaMancha
- I have made this letter longer than usual because I lack the time to make it shorter.
- I don't go around repeating gossip so you better pay attention the first time.
- Politicians are interested in people. Not that this is always a virtue. Fleas are interested in dogs.
- The power of accurate observation is commonly called cynicism by those who have not got it.
George Bernard Shaw
- Those who say something can't be done should not interrupt those doing it.
- God gave men both a penis and a brain, but unfortunately not enough blood supply to run both at the same time.
- It's a strange world of language in which skating on thin ice can get you into hot water.
Franklin P. Jones
- Like all parents, my husband and I just do the best we can, and hold our breath, and hope we've set aside enough money to pay for our kids' therapy.
- Hanlon's Razor: Never attribute to malice that which can be adequately explained by stupidity.
- As a mother, I know that homosexuals cannot biologically reproduce children; therefore, they must recruit our children.
Anita Bryant, 1977
- If gays are granted rights, next we'll have to give rights to prostitutes and to people who sleep with St. Bernards and to nailbiters.
- Jesse Helms and Newt Gingrich were shaking hands congratulating themselves on the introduction of an antigay bill in Congress. If it passes, they won't be able to shake hands, because it will then be illegal for a prick to touch an asshole.
- My own belief is that there is hardly anyone whose sexual life, if it were broadcast, would not fill the world at large with surprise and horror.
W. Somerset Maugham
- Drag is when a man wears everything a lesbian won't.
- I am reminded of a colleague who reiterated 'all my homosexual patients are quite sick' - to which I finally replied, 'so are all my heterosexual patients'.
Ernest van den Haag, psychotherapist
- When it comes to exploring the sea of love, I prefer buoys.
Andrew G. Dehel
- If male homosexuals are called 'gay', then female homosexuals should be called 'ecstatic'.
- My mother took me to a psychiatrist when I was fifteen because she thought I was a latent homosexual. There was nothing latent about it.
- Some women can't say the word lesbian...even when their mouth is full of one.
- It always seemed to me a bit pointless to disapprove of homosexuality. It's like disapproving of rain.
- The only queer people are those who don't love anybody.
Rita Mae Brown
- You could move.
Abigail Van Buren, "Dear Abby," in response to a reader who complained that a gay couple as moving in across the street and wanted to know what he could do to improve the quality of the neighborhood.
- I take music pretty seriously. This scar on my wrist, do you know what that's from? I heard the Bee Gees were getting back together again.
- ...think of agriculture as something the grasses did to people to conquer the trees.
Michael Pollen "The Botany Of Desire"
- The colors and shapes of the flowers are a precise record of what bees find attractive.
- Americans are getting stronger. Twenty years ago it took two people to carry ten dollars' worth of groceries. Today, a five-year-old can do it.
- Physics is like sex: Sure, it may give some practical results, but that's not why we do it.
- Physics advances by funerals.
- I was a bank teller. That was a great job. I was bringing home $450,000 a week.
- Here's a bonehead error that guys often commit in guest bathrooms: They see soap on a soap dish, and they use it to wash their hands. This of course ruins the guest soap, which is defined as "soap that guests are not supposed to use.
- A computer DOES save time at work. Now I can play solitaire without having to spend all that time shuffling real cards.
- My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-bitch.
- Food without hospitality is medicine
- My silence is original silence, not a quotation from his silence.
Composer Mike Blatt responding to a charge by representatives of composer John Cage that Blatt's 60 seconds of silence on his CD infringes on Cage's 4 and a half minutes of silence on Cage's CD.
- I can't eat more than six hundred dollars worth of food.
Anna Nicole Smith
- There are only 10 types of people in the world... those who understand binary, and those who don't.
- I look forward to the invention of faster-than-light travel. What I'm not looking forward to is the long wait in the dark once I arrive at my destination.
- Fanaticism consists of redoubling your efforts when you have forgotten your aim.
- The problem with defending the purity of the English language is that English is about as pure as a cribhouse whore. We don't just borrow words; on occasion, English has pursued other languages down alleyways to beat them unconscious and rifle their pockets for new vocabulary.
James D. Nicoll
- Failure is not an option. It comes bundled with your Microsoft product.
- [A computer is] like an Old Testament god, with a lot of rules and no mercy.
- Unix is user friendly. It's just selective about who the friends are.
- If builders built buildings the way that programmers write programs, the first woodpecker that came along would destroy civilization.
- I'd rather die in my sleep like my grandfather, not screaming in terror like his passengers.
- I'm glad I wasn't born before the Grateful Dead.