Some Of The Best Things Anybody Ever Said
- Coarse and violent nudity. Occasional language.
- It is true that liberty is precious, but is it so precious it must be rationed?
- People are more violently opposed to fur than leather because it's safer to pick on rich women than biker gangs.
- I read a report that said the typical symptoms of stress were eating too much, drinking too much, impulse buying, and driving too fast. Who are they kidding? That's my idea of a perfect day.
- The difference between genius and stupidity is that genius has limits.
- A conservative is a man who sits and thinks, mostly sits.
- Anyone who is not a socialist at 16 has no heart, but anyone who still is at 32 has no mind.
- Join the Army. Meet interesting people. Kill them.
- If some unemployed punk in New Jersey can get a cassette to make love to Ella McPherson for $19.95, this virtual reality stuff is going to make crack look like Sanka.
- It will be a great day when our schools have all the money they need and the Air Force has to hold a bake sale to buy a new bomber.
- Isn't Disney World a people trap operated by a mouse?
- Education is the best defense against the media.
- Civilization is the distance man has placed between himself and his excreta.
- Science is moving closer to weaponry, and Art is moving closer to commercialism. And never the twain shall meet.
- Question Authority and the Authorities will question You.
- Assassination is the extreme form of censorship.
George Bernard Shaw
- T.V. - Why do you think they call it programming?
- It's not Area 51 I'm worried about- it's Areas 1 through 50.
- There's an old saying, 'Neurotics build castles in the air and psychotics live in them.' My mother cleans them.
- Give a man a beer, waste an hour. Teach a man to brew, and waste a lifetime!
- Horse sense is the thing a horse has which keeps it from betting on people."
- Learn from the mistakes of others. You won't live long enough to make them all yourself.
- Dogs have owners. Cats have staff.
- You probably wouldn't worry about what people think of you if you could know how seldom they do.
- Misquotations are the only quotations that are never misquoted.
- Whenever you find that you are on the side of the majority, it is time to reform.
- Common sense is the collection of prejudices acquired by age eighteen.
- Once the game is over, the King and the pawn go back in the same box.
- Isn't it interesting that the same people who laugh at science fiction listen to weather forecasts and economists?
Kelvin Throop III
- There is no monument dedicated to the memory of a committee.
Lester J. Pourciau
- I didn't really say everything I said.
- Love is a snowmobile racing across the tundra and then suddenly it flips over, pinning you underneath. At night, the ice weasels come.
- We are inclined to believe those whom we do not know because they have never deceived us.
- The first time I see a jogger smiling, I'll consider it.
- I wouldn't mind being the last man on Earth - just to see if all of those girls were telling me the truth.
- The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret.
- A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong.
- Stress is when you wake up screaming and you realize you haven't fallen asleep yet.
- One of the symptoms of an approaching nervous breakdown is the belief that one's work is terribly important.
- If the desire to kill and the opportunity to kill came always together, who would escape hanging?
- I just want to give you this one piece of advice: if you're standing and you could be sitting, sit. If you're sitting and you could be lying down, lie down.
Helena Bonham Carter to Edward Norton
- A woman uses her intelligence to find reasons to support her intuition.
G. K. Chesterton
- They say such nice things about people at their funerals that it makes me sad that I'm going to miss mine by just a few days.
- Don't let it end like this. Tell them I said something.
Last words of Pancho Villa, Mexican revolutionary, d. 1923
- I have offended God and mankind because my work did not reach the quality it should have.
Last words of Leonardo da Vinci, artist, d. 1519
- When you put down the good things you ought to have done, and leave out the bad ones you did do - well, that's Memoirs.
- It isn't necessary to imagine the world ending in fire or ice - there are two other possibilities: one is paperwork, and the other is nostalgia.
- No man is an Ireland.
Chicago Mayor Richard Daley
- We all have enough strength to endure the misfortunes of others.
Duc de la Rochefoucauld (1613-1680)
- An educated fool is more foolish than an ignorant one.