Some Of The Best Things Anybody Ever Said

Page 9.

  1. Coarse and violent nudity. Occasional language.


  2. It is true that liberty is precious, but is it so precious it must be rationed?


  3. People are more violently opposed to fur than leather because it's safer to pick on rich women than biker gangs.


  4. I read a report that said the typical symptoms of stress were eating too much, drinking too much, impulse buying, and driving too fast. Who are they kidding? That's my idea of a perfect day.


  5. The difference between genius and stupidity is that genius has limits.


  6. A conservative is a man who sits and thinks, mostly sits.

    Woodrow Wilson

  7. Anyone who is not a socialist at 16 has no heart, but anyone who still is at 32 has no mind.


  8. Join the Army. Meet interesting people. Kill them.


  9. If some unemployed punk in New Jersey can get a cassette to make love to Ella McPherson for $19.95, this virtual reality stuff is going to make crack look like Sanka.


  10. It will be a great day when our schools have all the money they need and the Air Force has to hold a bake sale to buy a new bomber.


  11. Isn't Disney World a people trap operated by a mouse?


  12. Education is the best defense against the media.


  13. Civilization is the distance man has placed between himself and his excreta.

    Brian Aldiss

  14. Science is moving closer to weaponry, and Art is moving closer to commercialism. And never the twain shall meet.

    Frank Zappa

  15. Question Authority and the Authorities will question You.


  16. Assassination is the extreme form of censorship.

    George Bernard Shaw

  17. T.V. - Why do you think they call it programming?


  18. It's not Area 51 I'm worried about- it's Areas 1 through 50.


  19. There's an old saying, 'Neurotics build castles in the air and psychotics live in them.' My mother cleans them.

    Rita Rudner

  20. Give a man a beer, waste an hour. Teach a man to brew, and waste a lifetime!

    Bill Owen

  21. Horse sense is the thing a horse has which keeps it from betting on people."

    W.C. Fields

  22. Learn from the mistakes of others. You won't live long enough to make them all yourself.


  23. Dogs have owners. Cats have staff.


  24. You probably wouldn't worry about what people think of you if you could know how seldom they do.

    Olin Miller

  25. Misquotations are the only quotations that are never misquoted.

    Hesketh Pearson

  26. Whenever you find that you are on the side of the majority, it is time to reform.

    Mark Twain

  27. Common sense is the collection of prejudices acquired by age eighteen.

    Albert Einstein

  28. Once the game is over, the King and the pawn go back in the same box.

    Italian Proverb

  29. Isn't it interesting that the same people who laugh at science fiction listen to weather forecasts and economists?

    Kelvin Throop III

  30. There is no monument dedicated to the memory of a committee.

    Lester J. Pourciau

  31. I didn't really say everything I said.

    Yogi Berra

  32. Love is a snowmobile racing across the tundra and then suddenly it flips over, pinning you underneath. At night, the ice weasels come.

    Matt Groening

  33. We are inclined to believe those whom we do not know because they have never deceived us.

    Samuel Johnson

  34. The first time I see a jogger smiling, I'll consider it.

    Joan Rivers

  35. I wouldn't mind being the last man on Earth - just to see if all of those girls were telling me the truth.

    Ronnie Shakes

  36. The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret.

    Henny Youngman

  37. A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong.

    Milton Berle

  38. Stress is when you wake up screaming and you realize you haven't fallen asleep yet.


  39. One of the symptoms of an approaching nervous breakdown is the belief that one's work is terribly important.

    Bertrand Russell

  40. If the desire to kill and the opportunity to kill came always together, who would escape hanging?

    Mark Twain

  41. I just want to give you this one piece of advice: if you're standing and you could be sitting, sit. If you're sitting and you could be lying down, lie down.

    Helena Bonham Carter to Edward Norton

  42. A woman uses her intelligence to find reasons to support her intuition.

    G. K. Chesterton

  43. They say such nice things about people at their funerals that it makes me sad that I'm going to miss mine by just a few days.

    Garrison Keilor

  44. Don't let it end like this. Tell them I said something.

    Last words of Pancho Villa, Mexican revolutionary, d. 1923

  45. I have offended God and mankind because my work did not reach the quality it should have.

    Last words of Leonardo da Vinci, artist, d. 1519

  46. When you put down the good things you ought to have done, and leave out the bad ones you did do - well, that's Memoirs.

    Will Rogers

  47. It isn't necessary to imagine the world ending in fire or ice - there are two other possibilities: one is paperwork, and the other is nostalgia.

    Frank Zappa

  48. No man is an Ireland.

    Chicago Mayor Richard Daley

  49. We all have enough strength to endure the misfortunes of others.

    Duc de la Rochefoucauld (1613-1680)

  50. An educated fool is more foolish than an ignorant one.

    Moliere (1622-73)