Some Of The Best Things Anybody Ever Said

Page 10.

  1. Everything that can be invented has been invented.

    Charles H. Duell, Commissioner, U.S. Office of Patents, 1899

  2. This 'telephone' has too many shortcomings to be seriously considered as a means of communication. The device is inherently of no value to us.

    Western Union internal memo, 1876

  3. Who the hell wants to hear actors talk?

    H.M. Warner, Warner Brothers, 1927

  4. We don't like their sound, and guitar music is on the way out.

    Decca Recording Co. rejecting The Beatles, 1962

  5. A university is just a group of buildings gathered around a library.

    Shelby Foote

  6. Far more seemly to have thy study full of books, than thy purse full of money.

    John Lyly, Euphues

  7. If you haven't found something strange during the day, it hasn't been much of a day."

    John A. Wheeler

  8. Discovery consists of seeing what everybody has seen and thinking what nobody has thought.

    Albert Szent-Gyorgyi 1893

  9. On a visit to Grenoble a few years ago, I met a chef who complained that the taste buds of his nation's youth were being ruined by an onslaught of salt and sugar processed into an assortment of bland, artless concoctions that dulled their senses and tinkered with their satiety. 'When there is no taste,' he said, 'they keep eating.'

    Ellen Ruppel Shell "The Hungrey Gene"

  10. I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work.

    Thomas Edison

  11. It is better by noble boldness to run the risk of being subject to half the evils we anticipate than to remain in cowardly listlessness for fear of what might happen.


  12. I will never be an old man. To me, old age is always 15 years older than I am.

    Sir Francis Bacon

  13. If God doesn't destroy Hollywood Boulevard, he owes Sodom and Gomorrah an apology.

    Jay Leno

  14. Always obey your parents. When they are present. This is the best policy in the long run. Because if you don't, they will make you. Most parents think they know better than you do, and you can generally make more by humoring that superstition than you can by acting on your own better judgment.

    Mark Twain in his "Advice to Youth" speech, 1882

  15. How come when you mix water and flour together you get glue...and then you add eggs and sugar and you get cake? Where does the glue go?

    Rita Rudner

  16. If I have any beliefs about immortality, it is that certain dogs I have known will go to heaven, and very, very few persons.

    James Thurber

  17. If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous, he will not bite you; that is the principal difference between a dog and a man.

    Mark Twain

  18. I've seen a look in dogs' eyes, a quickly vanishing look of amazed contempt, and I am convinced that basically dogs think humans are nuts.

    John Steinbeck

  19. Money will buy you a pretty good dog, but it won't buy the wag of his tail.


  20. Ever consider what they (dogs) must think of us? I mean, here we come back from a grocery store with the most amazing haul--chicken, pork, half a cow. They must think we're the greatest hunters on earth!

    Anne Tyler

  21. In order to keep a true perspective of one's importance, everyone should have a dog that will worship him and a cat that will ignore him.

    Dereke Bruce, Taipei, Taiwan

  22. Whoever said you can't buy happiness forgot about puppies.

    Gene Hill

  23. Never insult seven men if you're only carrying a six shooter.

    Harry Morgan

  24. ...when I wake up in the morning, I look in the bathroom mirror to see who I am. Most of the time that works, but last week I spent a whole day as a pair of bathroom curtains!

    Peter Ingerman

  25. My wife calls our waterbed the Dead Sea.

    Milton Berle

  26. Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays.

    Henny Youngman

  27. Keep your eyes wide open before marriage, half shut afterwards.

    Benjamin Franklin

  28. If you can't beat them, arrange to have them beaten.

    George Carlin

  29. The art of medicine consists in amusing the patient while nature cures the disease.


  30. Always do sober what you said you'd do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut.

    Darius Denning

  31. Drinking provides a beautiful excuse to pursue the one activity that truly gives me pleasure, hooking up with fat hairy girls.

    Barry Bartlett

  32. There are no good girls gone wrong, just bad girls found out.

    Mae West

  33. No animal should ever jump up on the dining room furniture unless absolutely certain that he can hold his own in the conversation.

    Fran Lebowitz

  34. Criminal: A person with predatory instincts who has not sufficient capital to form a corporation.

    Clarence Darrow

  35. I don't make jokes, I just watch the Government and report the facts...

    Will Rogers

  36. No nation ever had two better friends that we have. You know who they are? The Atlantic and Pacific oceans.

    Will Rogers

  37. If everything seems under control, you're just not going fast enough.

    Mario Andretti

  38. My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you'll be happy; if not, you'll become a philosopher.


  39. Fiction writing is great. You can make up almost anything.

    Ivana Trump, upon finishing her first novel

  40. Leaving sex to the feminists is like letting your dog vacation at the taxidermist.

    Matt Barry

  41. The reason grandchildren and grandparents get along so well is because they share a common enemy.

    Sam Levenson

  42. A woman drove me to drink - and I hadn't even the courtesy to thank her.

    W.C. Fields

  43. I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they wake up in the morning, that's as good as they're going to feel all day.

    Frank Sinatra

  44. An intelligent man is sometimes forced to be drunk to spend time with his fools.

    Ernest Hemingway

  45. When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.

    Henny Youngman

  46. 24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case. What a coincidence!

    Stephen Wright

  47. When we drink, we get drunk. When we get drunk, we fall asleep. When we fall asleep, we commit no sin. When we commit no sin, we go to heaven. So, let's all get drunk and go to heaven!

    Irish Proverb

  48. Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy.

    Benjamin Franklin

  49. Without question, the greatest invention in the history of mankind is beer. Oh, I grant you that the wheel was also a fine invention, but the wheel does not go nearly as well with pizza.

    Dave Barry

  50. To some it's a six-pack, to me it's a Support Group.