Some Of The Best Things Anybody Ever Said

Page 12.

  1. We must be willing to get rid of the life we planned, so as to have the life that is waiting for us.

    Joseph Campbell

  2. What's the use of happiness? It can't buy you money.

    Henny Youngman

  3. I love being married. I was single for a long time and I just got so sick of finishing my own sentences.

    Brian Kiley

  4. Whatever you wish for me, may you have twice as much.


  5. Self-respect: The secure feeling that no one, as yet, is suspicious.

    H.L. Mencken

  6. When I was a kid, I used to pray every night for a new bicycle. Then I realized that the Lord, in his wisdom, didn't work that way. So I just stole one and asked him to forgive me.

    Emo Phillips

  7. Ever wonder if illiterate people get the full effect of alphabet soup?

    John Mendosa

  8. Creative people who can't help but explore other mental territories are at greater risk, just as someone who climbs a mountain is more at risk than someone who just walks along a village lane.

    R.D. Laing

  9. There is no cure for birth and death save to enjoy the interval.

    George Santayana

  10. It does me no injury for my neighbor to say that there are twenty Gods or no Gods; it neither picks my pocket nor breaks my leg.

    Thomas Jefferson

  11. In order to assert something and mean it without qualification, I of course have to believe that it is true, but I don't have to believe that I could demonstrate its truth to all rational persons. The claim that something is universal and the acknowledgement that I couldn't necessarily prove it are logically independent of each other. The second does not undermine the first.

    Stanly Fish "Postmodern Warfare - The Ignorance Of Our Warrior Intellectuals" Harper's Magazine - July 2002

  12. A man's ethical behavior should be based effectually on sympathy, education, and social ties; no religious basis is necessary. Man would indeed be in a poor way if he had to be restrained by fear of punishment and hope of reward after death.

    Albert Einstein

  13. But, then, the whole Net is a cookbook, and the chef's name is Google.

    Carl Distefano - Posted on the Xywrite Users Group

  14. The reason most individuals run into obstacles, is because they continue to focus on what is behind them.

    Brian G. Jett

  15. This sentence contains two erors.

    Douglas R. Hofstader "Gödel, Escher, Bach - an Eternal Golden Braid"

  16. Hofstadter's Law: It always takes longer than you expect, even when you take Hofstadter's Law into account.

    Douglas R. Hofstader

  17. I'm old and I've had lots of troubles in my life - most of which never happened.

    Mark Twain

  18. The secret of a great success, for which you are at a loss to account, is a crime that has never been found out, because it was properly executed.

    Balzac's "Pere Goriot"

  19. When you sit with a nice girl for two hours, you think it's only a minute. But when you sit on a hot stove for a minute, you think it's two hours. That's relativity.

    Albert Einstein

  20. Be careful around those individuals who have bought into negativity, because they have the uncanny ability of selling it as well.

    Brian G. Jett

  21. The old believe everything: the middle-aged suspect everything: the young know everything.

    Oscar Wilde (1854-1900)

  22. Liquid Panty Remover

    Billboard ad for Souther Comfort liqueur

  23. My Goddess gave birth to your God

    Bumper Sticker

  24. If you're not outraged, you're not paying attention.

    Bumper Sticker

  25. I don't mind straight people as long as they act gay in public.

    Bumper Sticker

  26. God was my co-pilot but we crashed in the mountains and I had to eat him.

    Bumper Sticker

  27. Feminism is the radical notion that women are people.

    Bumper Sticker

  28. Man invented language to satisfy his deep need to complain.

    Lily Tomlin

  29. Experience is not what happens to a man. It is what a man does with what happens to him.

    Aldous Huxley 1894

  30. Idealism is based on big ideas. And, as anybody who has ever been asked "What's the big idea?" knows, most big ideas are bad ones.

    P.J. O'Rourke

  31. Do you think that when they asked George Washington for ID that he just whipped out a quarter?

    Steven Wright

  32. When I give a lecture, I accept that people look at their watches, but what I do not tolerate is when they look at it and raise it to their ear to find out if it stopped.

    Marcel Achard

  33. Newman's first law: It is useless to put on your brakes when you're upside down.

    Paul Newman

  34. I prefer a man who will burn the flag and then wrap himself in the Constitution to a man who will burn the Constitution and then wrap himself in the flag.

    Rep. Craig Washington

  35. Here's my thought about fake breasts: If I can touch them, they're real.

    Carson Daley

  36. A sobering thought: What if, right at this very moment, I am living up to my full potential?

    Jane Wagner

  37. It ain't what people don't know that's the problem, it's what they think they know that ain't so.

    Will Rogers (paraphrasing Josh Billings)

  38. Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men can fake whole relationships.

    Jimmy Shubert

  39. Hope is not the conviction that something will turn out well but the certainty that something makes sense, regardless of how it turns out.

    Vaclav Havel

  40. I can't say I was ever lost, but I was bewildered once for three days.

    Daniel Boone

  41. Absence of evidence is not evidence of absence.

    Martin Rees

  42. If E.F. Harriman paid me what he's paying those guys to stop me from robbing him, I'd stop robbing him.

    Butch Cassidy

  43. We, the unwilling, led by the unknowing, are doing the impossible for the ungrateful. We have done so much, for so long, with so little, we are now qualified to do anything with nothing.


  44. The Washington Bullets are changing their name. They don't want their team to be associated with crime. From now on, they'll just be known as the Bullets.

    Jay Leno

  45. If people behaved like governments, you'd call the cops.

    Kelvin Throop III

  46. The Founders were right all along, but the results are a lot funnier than they intended.

    Molly Ivins

  47. All hawk and no spit.

    Molly Ivins

  48. As they say around the [Texas] Legislature, if you can't drink their whiskey, screw their women, take their money, and vote against 'em anyway, you don't belong in office.

    Molly Ivins

  49. If once a man indulges in murder, very soon he comes to think little of robbing; and from robbing he next comes to drinking and Sabbath-breaking, and from that to incivility and procrastination.

    Thomas De Quincy (1785-1859)

  50. All right, then, I'll say it: Dante makes me sick.

    Last words of Spanish playwright Lope de Vega on being assured on his deathbed that his end was very near