Some Of The Best Things Anybody's Ever Said
- It took them only an instant to cut off that head, but it is unlikely that a hundred years will suffice to reproduce a similar one.
Joseph Louis Lagrange (1736-1813) commenting on the execution of the french chemist Lavoisier
- All right, brain, I don't like you and you don't like me - so let's just do this and I'll get back to killing you with beer.
- Every town has the same two malls: the one white people go to and the one white people used to go to.
- If you think it's hard to meet new people, try picking up the wrong golf ball.
- It is obviously possible that what we call waking life may only be an unusual and persistent nightmare.
- Sometimes I think I understand everything, then I regain consciousness.
- Lady Astor: "Winston, if I were your wife I'd put poison in your coffee."
Winston Churchill: "Nancy, if I were your husband I'd drink it."
- If you could buy a Greyhound bus ticket with food stamps this state would be empty.
A wag in Maine
- My ancestors didn't come over on the Mayflower--they met the boat.
- When a thing is funny, search it for a hidden truth.
George Bernard Shaw
- One of the penalties for refusing to participate in politics is that you end up being governed by your inferiors.
- In Paris they simply stared when I spoke to them in French; I never did succeed in making those idiots understand their language.
- The music business is a cruel and shallow money trench, a long plastic hallway where thieves run free, and good men die like dogs. There's also a negative side.
Hunter S. Thompson
- Television is the first truly democratic culture, the first culture available to everybody and entirely governed by what the people want. The most terrifying thing is what people do want.
- If professional wrestling did not exist, could you come up with this idea? Could you envision the popularity of huge men in tiny bathing suits, pretending to fight?
- If you have two hours to live, see this movie — it will make those two hours seem like two weeks.
Movie Reviewer Blake French, about Kevin Costner's "Open Range"
- Just because your voice reaches halfway around the world doesn't mean you are wiser than when it reached only to the end of the bar.
Edward R. Murrow
- God is a comedian playing to an audience that is afraid to laugh.
- Why is it, "A penny for your thoughts", but "you have to put your two cents in"? Somebody's making a penny
- In an interview, Cher claimed that at one point in her life she was celibate for six straight years. And then she turned seven.
- It's never too late to be what you might have been.
- I want to be what I was when I wanted to be what I am now.
- We know nothing at all. All our knowledge is but the knowledge of schoolchildren. The real nature of things we shall never know.
- It's easy to have a complicated idea. It's very very hard to have a simple idea.
- All our lauded technological progress - our very civilization - is like the axe in the hand of the pathological criminal.
- I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book.
- Those who do not stop asking silly questions become scientists.
Leon Lederman, Physicist
- I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with great pleasure.
- He is a self-made man & worships his creator.
- He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire.
- A modest little person, with much to be modest about.
- He has never been known to use a word that might send a reader to the dictionary.
William Faulkner (about Ernest Hemingway)
- Poor Faulkner. Does he really think big emotions come from big words?
Ernest Hemingway (about William Faulkner)
- He is not only dull himself, he is the cause of dullness in others.
- He is simply a shiver looking for a spine to run up.
- He had delusions of adequacy.
- There's nothing wrong with you that reincarnation won't cure.
Jack E. Leonard
- He can compress the most words into the smallest idea of any man I know.
- He has the attention span of a lightning bolt.
- They never open their mouths without subtracting from the sum of human knowledge.
Thomas Brackett Reed
- He inherited some good instincts from his Quaker forebears, but by diligent hard work, he overcame them.
James Reston (about Richard Nixon)
- In order to avoid being called a flirt, she always yielded easily.
Charles, Count Talleyrand
- He loves nature in spite of what it did to him.
- Why do you sit there looking like an envelope without any address on it?
- Don't get mad, get Valium!
Spam subject line
- His mother should have thrown him away and kept the stork.
- Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go.
Oscar Wilde (1854-1900)
- He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends.
Oscar Wilde (1854-1900)
- He uses statistics as a drunken man uses lamp-posts...for support rather than illumination.
Andrew Lang (1844-1912)
- He has Van Gogh's ear for music.