Page 16.
- Science reserves the highest reward for those of you who disprove our most cherished beliefs. At any moment someone from any walk of life could come forward and be responsible for a complete revision of our view of everything.
Ann Druyan
- If triangles had a god, he would have three sides.
Montesquieu
- You can safely assume that you've created God in your own image when it turns out that God hates all the same people you do.
Anne Lamott
- I am returning this otherwise good typing paper to you because someone has printed gibberish all over it and put your name at the top.
Ohio U. English professor
- The whole aim of practical politics is to keep the populace alarmed (and hence clamorous to be led to safety) by an endless series of hobgoblins.
H.L. Mencken
- The cosmos is a gigantic fly-wheel making 10,000 revolutions a minute. Man is a sick fly taking a dizzy ride on it. Religion is the theory that the wheel was designed and set spinning to give him the ride.
H.L. Mencken
- There's two theories to arguing with a woman. Neither one works.
Will Rogers
- Never mistake motion for action.
Ernest Hemingway
- Love is the feeling that you're feeling when the feeling that you're feeling is the feeling you've never felt before.
Anon
- We often say: There is light at the end of the tunnel. We forget there was light at the beginning of the tunnel. There was no need to get into the tunnel in the first place.
Shabbir Banoobhaiv
- I am accountable. But the little guys were responsible. I was just giving orders.
The Rummy Defense
- John Redwood is a young man, but, let's face it, so was Margaret Thatcher in 1975.
Edward Leigh, member of Parliament, during a radio interview
- In the future, everyone will have fifteen minutes of fame. Followed by fifteen minutes of legal problems, fifteen minutes of ridicule from late-night TV hosts, fifteen minutes of obscurity, and fifteen minutes of "Where are they now?".
Dan Piraro
- In science one tries to tell people, in such a way as to be understood by everyone, something that no one ever knew before. But in poetry, it's the exact opposite.
Paul Dirac
- A man's got to do what a man's got to do. A woman must do what he can't.
Rhonda Hansome
- I'm in therapy now. I used to be in denial, which is a lot cheaper.
Robin Greenspan
- I believe I can confide in you, because I got your name from the internet.
Drus Zulu (the name at the bottom of a "Nigerian" type scam email)
- Rudeness is the weak man's imitation of strength.
Eric Hoffer
- A neurosis is a secret that you don't know you are keeping.
Kenneth Tynan
- If high heels were so wonderful, men would still be wearing them.
Sue Grafton
- No, Steve, I think it's more like we both had this rich neighbor named Xerox and I broke in to steal the TV set and found out that you had already stolen it.
Bill Gates' reply when Steve Jobs accused Microsoft of stealing Apple's design and interface
- Whatever women must do they must do twice as well as men to be thought half as good. Luckily, this is not difficult.
Charlotte Whitton
- Blink your eyelids periodically to lubricate your eyes.
An actual tip from page 16 of the HP Environmental, Health & Safety Handbook for Employees
- I always wanted to be the last guy on Earth, just to see if all those women were lying to me.
Ronnie Shakes
- I'd worship the ground you'd walk on if you lived in a better neighborhood.
Billy Wilder, to his future wife
- You have two choices in life: you can stay single and be miserable, or get married and wish you were dead.
W.W. Renwick
- If advertisers spent the same amount of money on improving their products as they do on advertising, then they wouldn't have to advertise them.
Will Rogers
- The plural of anecdote is not data.
Frank Kotsonis
- Behind every successful man stands a surprised mother-in-law.
Voltaire
- In matters of conscience, the law of the majority has no place.
Mahatma Gandhi
- If you think you can do a thing or you think you can't do a thing, you're right.
Henry Ford
- If you drink, don't drive. Don't even putt.
Dean Martin
- There is no moral precept that does not have something inconvenient about it.
Denis Diderot
- Somewhere in the world is a doctor who is worse than all other doctors...and someone has an appointment with him in the morning.
George Carlin
- Whenever I see the awful pictures of those poor prisoners at Abu Ghraib I have to ask myself, who would Jesus torture?
A.I.S.
- Spam to be eliminated in 2 years, get your penis enlarged before it's too late
From Fark.com
- Announcing your plans is a good way to hear God laugh.
Al Swearengen
- The man who views the world at 50 the same as he did at 20 has wasted 30 years of his life.
Muhammad Ali
- When a girl goes wrong - men go right after her.
Mae West
- A man in the house is worth two in the street.
Mae West
- Good sex is like good Bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand.
Mae West
- The trouble with talking too fast is you may say something you haven't thought of yet.
Ann Landers
- A company has come out with a George Bush action figure that commemorates his landing on an aircraft carrier earlier this year. The company says by posing Bush and making him talk, kids can get an idea of what it's like to be Dick Cheney.
Jay Leno
- Books are important. They help you sleep at night.
First Lady Laura Bush, on the Oprah Winfrey Show
- He knows nothing and thinks he knows everything. That points clearly to a political career.
George Bernard Shaw
- Remember that as a teenager you are at the last stage in your life when you will be happy to hear that the phone is for you.
Fran Lebowitz, Social Studies (1981)
- Original thought is like original sin: both happened before you were born to people you could not have possibly met.
Fran Lebowitz, Social Studies (1981)
- Being a woman is of special interest only to aspiring male transsexuals. To actual women it is merely a good excuse not to play football.
Fran Lebowitz, Metropolitan Life (1978)
- All God's children are not beautiful. Most of God's children are, in fact, barely presentable.
Fran Lebowitz, Metropolitan Life (1978)
- Human beings, who are almost unique in having the ability to learn from the experience of others, are also remarkable for their apparent disinclination to do so.
Douglas Adams, Last Chance to See