Some Of The Best Things Anybody's Ever Said

Page 16.

  1. Science reserves the highest reward for those of you who disprove our most cherished beliefs. At any moment someone from any walk of life could come forward and be responsible for a complete revision of our view of everything.

    Ann Druyan

  2. If triangles had a god, he would have three sides.


  3. You can safely assume that you've created God in your own image when it turns out that God hates all the same people you do.

    Anne Lamott

  4. I am returning this otherwise good typing paper to you because someone has printed gibberish all over it and put your name at the top.

    Ohio U. English professor

  5. The whole aim of practical politics is to keep the populace alarmed (and hence clamorous to be led to safety) by an endless series of hobgoblins.

    H.L. Mencken

  6. The cosmos is a gigantic fly-wheel making 10,000 revolutions a minute. Man is a sick fly taking a dizzy ride on it. Religion is the theory that the wheel was designed and set spinning to give him the ride.

    H.L. Mencken

  7. There's two theories to arguing with a woman. Neither one works.

    Will Rogers

  8. Never mistake motion for action.

    Ernest Hemingway

  9. Love is the feeling that you're feeling when the feeling that you're feeling is the feeling you've never felt before.


  10. We often say: There is light at the end of the tunnel. We forget there was light at the beginning of the tunnel. There was no need to get into the tunnel in the first place.

    Shabbir Banoobhaiv

  11. I am accountable. But the little guys were responsible. I was just giving orders.

    The Rummy Defense

  12. John Redwood is a young man, but, let's face it, so was Margaret Thatcher in 1975.

    Edward Leigh, member of Parliament, during a radio interview

  13. In the future, everyone will have fifteen minutes of fame. Followed by fifteen minutes of legal problems, fifteen minutes of ridicule from late-night TV hosts, fifteen minutes of obscurity, and fifteen minutes of "Where are they now?".

    Dan Piraro

  14. In science one tries to tell people, in such a way as to be understood by everyone, something that no one ever knew before. But in poetry, it's the exact opposite.

    Paul Dirac

  15. A man's got to do what a man's got to do. A woman must do what he can't.

    Rhonda Hansome

  16. I'm in therapy now. I used to be in denial, which is a lot cheaper.

    Robin Greenspan

  17. I believe I can confide in you, because I got your name from the internet.

    Drus Zulu (the name at the bottom of a "Nigerian" type scam email)

  18. Rudeness is the weak man's imitation of strength.

    Eric Hoffer

  19. A neurosis is a secret that you don't know you are keeping.

    Kenneth Tynan

  20. If high heels were so wonderful, men would still be wearing them.

    Sue Grafton

  21. No, Steve, I think it's more like we both had this rich neighbor named Xerox and I broke in to steal the TV set and found out that you had already stolen it.

    Bill Gates' reply when Steve Jobs accused Microsoft of stealing Apple's design and interface

  22. Whatever women must do they must do twice as well as men to be thought half as good. Luckily, this is not difficult.

    Charlotte Whitton

  23. Blink your eyelids periodically to lubricate your eyes.

    An actual tip from page 16 of the HP Environmental, Health & Safety Handbook for Employees

  24. I always wanted to be the last guy on Earth, just to see if all those women were lying to me.

    Ronnie Shakes

  25. I'd worship the ground you'd walk on if you lived in a better neighborhood.

    Billy Wilder, to his future wife

  26. You have two choices in life: you can stay single and be miserable, or get married and wish you were dead.

    W.W. Renwick

  27. If advertisers spent the same amount of money on improving their products as they do on advertising, then they wouldn't have to advertise them.

    Will Rogers

  28. The plural of anecdote is not data.

    Frank Kotsonis

  29. Behind every successful man stands a surprised mother-in-law.


  30. In matters of conscience, the law of the majority has no place.

    Mahatma Gandhi

  31. If you think you can do a thing or you think you can't do a thing, you're right.

    Henry Ford

  32. If you drink, don't drive. Don't even putt.

    Dean Martin

  33. There is no moral precept that does not have something inconvenient about it.

    Denis Diderot

  34. Somewhere in the world is a doctor who is worse than all other doctors...and someone has an appointment with him in the morning.

    George Carlin

  35. Whenever I see the awful pictures of those poor prisoners at Abu Ghraib I have to ask myself, who would Jesus torture?


  36. Spam to be eliminated in 2 years, get your penis enlarged before it's too late


  37. Announcing your plans is a good way to hear God laugh.

    Al Swearengen

  38. The man who views the world at 50 the same as he did at 20 has wasted 30 years of his life.

    Muhammad Ali

  39. When a girl goes wrong - men go right after her.

    Mae West

  40. A man in the house is worth two in the street.

    Mae West

  41. Good sex is like good Bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand.

    Mae West

  42. The trouble with talking too fast is you may say something you haven't thought of yet.

    Ann Landers

  43. A company has come out with a George Bush action figure that commemorates his landing on an aircraft carrier earlier this year. The company says by posing Bush and making him talk, kids can get an idea of what it's like to be Dick Cheney.

    Jay Leno

  44. Books are important. They help you sleep at night.

    First Lady Laura Bush, on the Oprah Winfrey Show

  45. He knows nothing and thinks he knows everything. That points clearly to a political career.

    George Bernard Shaw

  46. Remember that as a teenager you are at the last stage in your life when you will be happy to hear that the phone is for you.

    Fran Lebowitz, Social Studies (1981)

  47. Original thought is like original sin: both happened before you were born to people you could not have possibly met.

    Fran Lebowitz, Social Studies (1981)

  48. Being a woman is of special interest only to aspiring male transsexuals. To actual women it is merely a good excuse not to play football.

    Fran Lebowitz, Metropolitan Life (1978)

  49. All God's children are not beautiful. Most of God's children are, in fact, barely presentable.

    Fran Lebowitz, Metropolitan Life (1978)

  50. Human beings, who are almost unique in having the ability to learn from the experience of others, are also remarkable for their apparent disinclination to do so.

    Douglas Adams, Last Chance to See