Some Of The Best Things Anybody's Ever Said

Page 22.

  1. The curve is more powerful than the sword.

    Mae West

  2. Television has done much for psychiatry by spreading information about it, as well as contributing to the need for it.

    Alfred Hitchcock

  3. Being offended is the natural consequence of leaving one's home. I do not like aftershave lotion, adults who roller-skate, children who speak French, or anyone who is unduly tan. I do not, however, go around enacting legislation and putting up signs.

    Fran Lebowitz

  4. The most affectionate creature in the world is a wet dog

    Ambrose Bierce

  5. As far as the laws of mathematics refer to reality, they are not certain, and as far as they are certain, they do not refer to reality.

    Albert Einstein

  6. The hardest thing about being a writer is convincing your boss that you're really working when you're staring out the window.

    from "Shoe" comic strip

  7. An idealist is one who, on noticing that a rose smells better than a cabbage, concludes that it will also make better soup.

    H.L. Mencken

  8. Research is the process of going up alleys to see if they are blind.

    Marston Bates

  9. Rogues are preferable to imbeciles because they sometimes take a rest.

    Alexandre Dumas

  10. Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former.

    Albert Einstein

  11. In the beginning the Universe was created. This has made a lot of people very angry and has been widely regarded as a bad move.

    Douglas Adams

  12. It should be noted that no ethically-trained software engineer would ever consent to write a DestroyBaghdad procedure. Basic professional ethics would instead require him to write a DestroyCity procedure, to which Baghdad could be given as a parameter.

    Nathaniel S. Borenstein

  13. Honesty may be the best policy, but it's important to remember that apparently, by elimination, dishonesty is the second-best policy.

    George Carlin

  14. The Constitution only gives people the right to pursue happiness. You have to catch it yourself.

    Benjamin Franklin

  15. Nobody knows the age of the human race, but everybody agrees that it is old enough to know better.


  16. Always forgive your enemies -- Nothing annoys them so much.

    Oscar Wilde (1854-1900)

  17. It is the classic fallacy of our time that a moron run through a university and decorated with a Ph.D. will thereby cease to be a moron.

    H.L. Mencken

  18. The only people who can change the world are people who want to. And not everybody does.

    Hugh Macleod

  19. Any commander who fails to exceed his authority is not of much use to his subordinates.

    Arleigh Burke, American Admiral (1901-1996)

  20. I am not a vegetarian because I love animals; I am a vegetarian because I hate plants.

    A. Whitney Brown

  21. A great many people think they are thinking when they are merely rearranging their prejudices.

    Edward R. Murrow

  22. It took me four years to paint like Raphael, but a lifetime to paint like a child.

    Pablo Picasso

  23. Only put off until tomorrow what you are willing to die having left undone.

    Pablo Picasso

  24. Every child is an artist. The problem is how to remain an artist once we grow up.

    Pablo Picasso

  25. You do not really understand something unless you can explain it to your grandmother.


  26. If computers get too powerful, we can organize them into a committee - that will do them in.

    Bradley's Bromide

  27. Always be wary of any helpful item that weighs less than its operating manual.

    Terry Pratchett

  28. It's perfectly straightforward. There is standard English like what I talk and there are various dialects, e.g. Yorkshire, Scottish and American.

    Sylvia Milne

  29. Trouble is only opportunity in work clothes.

    Henry J. Kaiser

  30. A politician is a person who looks to see which way the crowd is going, and then runs around in front, shouting 'Follow me!'

    Ron Govan

  31. I'm completely in favor of the separation of Church and State. My idea is that these two institutions screw us up enough on their own, so both of them together is certain death.

    George Carlin

  32. Golf is a game invented by the same people who think music comes out of a bagpipe.


  33. When you were a Goth, it was important to at least imply the possibility you might burst into flames in direct sunlight.

    Joe Hill

  34. I'm not a really a drag queen. What drag queen would allow themselves to look like this.


  35. When a husband brings his wife flowers for no reason, there's a reason.

    Molly McGee

  36. Catholicism. What can you say about a religion that makes a sin out of sex, and a sacred act out of drinking alcohol?


  37. The opposite of talking isn't listening. The opposite of talking is waiting.

    Fran Lebowitz

  38. Whenever I hear anyone arguing for slavery, I feel a strong impulse to see it tried on him personally.

    Abraham Lincoln

  39. The major difference between a thing that might go wrong and a thing that cannot possibly go wrong is that when a thing that cannot possibly go wrong goes wrong it usually turns out to be impossible to get at or repair.

    Douglas Adams

  40. The guy who invented the first wheel was an idiot. The guy who invented the other three, HE was a genius.

    Sid Caesar

  41. The trouble with telling a good story is that it invariably reminds the other fellow of a dull one.

    Sid Caesar

  42. I pray there's a God...I know there's an Oprah.

    Chris Rock

  43. The truth is right in front of you when your back is turned.

    Ken Nordine

  44. I believe that every human has a finite number of heartbeats. I don't intend to waste any of mine running around doing exercises.

    Buzz Aldrin

  45. The religion of Hell is patriotism.

    James Branch Cabell "Jurgen, a Comedy of Justice" (London, 1921)

  46. If Jesus had been killed twenty years ago, Catholic school children would be wearing little electric chairs around their necks instead of crosses.

    Lenny Bruce

  47. The first of April is the day we remember what we are the other 364 days of the year.

    Mark Twain

  48. If I had asked my customers what they wanted, they'd have asked for a faster horse.

    Henry Ford

  49. It's so simple to be wise. Just think of something stupid to say and then don't say it.

    Sam Levenson

  50. Vegetarian - that's an old Indian word meaning 'lousy hunter'

    Andy Rooney